I’m a few days into being 100% sober.
Not saying I’m going to be sober for LIFE or anything but…here’s the deal:
I haven’t been 90 days 100% sober since middle school ended.
Was totally sober all through middle school and the summer before high school I had my first drink (can you guess what it was?) and smoked my first doobie.
Now look…I’m not a big drinker…got that out of the way in college.
Occasional glass of red wine? Sure, sounds good.
Occasional weekend where I drink a BOTTLE of red wine?
Not the WORST thing in the world…
I LOVE weed!
I smoke weed from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep.
Everything I’ve ever created that you like…I’ve created stoned pretty much.
So…what’s the problem with it?
Maybe there IS no problem with it BUT…
…I haven’t run “THE SPLIT TEST”.
I’m OBSESSED with testing.
You can’t improve what you don’t track.
So literally for years and years and years…
I’ve never run the TEST of being sober.
Kind of crazy if you think about it…
I run a LOT of tests in my life.
Anyway, I remember in middle school BEFORE I started getting into this stuff…
THAT was when I had the most confidence I’ve ever had in my life.
Might sound kind of weird…most confident in MIDDLE SCHOOL?
Damn straight. And I was 100% sober doing it.
I did whatever the fuck I wanted.
I had ZERO fears of “getting in trouble”.
I dated all the hottest chicks in the school.
Shit, I’d roll into classes when they were halfway through and bring girls in that weren’t even IN that class and just sit down and argue with the teachers when they had anything to say about it and I’D WIN THE ARGUMENT!!!
I knew I was a PIMP.
Not like…a LITERAL pimp…but you know what I mean haha
This was BEFORE I was even an entrepreneur.
And to be honest…my confidence has only gone downhill since then.
I mean don’t get me wrong…I’m confident…but I’m not AS confident.
Not even close.
That was like a COMPLETELY different version of myself.
But you know what?
It was JUST ME!
The RAWEST version of myself.
Nothing added on top of it.
And for years and years and years…
I haven’t experienced that version of myself.
I’m only a few days into sobriety but the rage that’s building inside of me SHOWING ME how small I’ve been playing is something that would have been VERY beneficial to me a long time ago.
My anger is working as FUEL to show me how small I’ve been playing.
Where previously I would have just said anger is a BAD thing…
Now I’m not judging it and I’m allowing it to show me what I’ve been missing in a BIG way.
Weed is one of MANY devices in our lives that can make “Everything Seem Okay.”
What I’d ask of YOU is to IDENTIFY those devices in your life and spend some time WITHOUT them.
Spend some time with just YOU, your RAWEST form, and see how powerful you REALLY are.
When that pain comes up, SIT WITH IT and FEEL IT and then let it bend an ACTION PLAN into place for you, vs. just ignoring it completely by numbing it out with something that does that, whether that’s weed, TV, social media, WHATEVER.
You deserve to spend some time with YOU.
The RAWEST and REALEST version of you.
And although I’m a bit pissy right now…
I am already excited about fully embracing this version of me because we have been fighting a war against each other for a VERY long time, and I’m excited to finally make peace.
BIG MOVES come from that kind of peace.
But you have to open up your vulnerable side to get there.
I wish you the best my friend and I hope you accomplish ALL you set out to do.
Don’t be afraid to strip everything away that isn’t the RAWEST version of yourself, even if you’re going through the most INTENSE shit of your life right now, because the REAL power is in THAT version of you, not the version you numb out when the pains and problems appear on the table in front of you.
Look those pains in the eye and then pull them close as you sink the dagger into their heart and SMILE.
Don’t hide from them or they’ll only get worse.
My friend, I’ll keep you updated on my journey.
And for all those who supported me, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I’m doing something very vulnerable I haven’t done EVER really and the support means the world to me.
Let’s fucking get this.